Light Up Ahead

This was recorded way back in 2006 in Stone Creek, Virginia at my friend Joe Fultz’s house two days before I went to live away from Lee County for the first time as I moved to Nashville for awhile. It was sort of a bittersweet moment because at the time, I honestly didn’t plan on ever coming back home.

Joe is playing the single snare drum that you hear, and he and Keaton sang backing vocals.

This song originally appeared on Lonesome Highway in 2004, but I actually like this version better. The fact that it was recorded with friends makes it one of my favorite musical memories to this day.

You can download this and other albums at rancegarrison.bandcamp.com.

“Saw you standing on the side of the road

With your hung up eyelids and your heavy load

You were saying “I’m leaving this world.”

I was thinking life’s too unkind to little girls

But the sky is a sea and the moon is a boat

And we ain’t sailing baby we are merely a float

You are just too young to understand

So come here darling, take my hand

There’s a light up ahead and I’m reaching for it

In the end we all end up dead

It’s what you do between to make it feel like it was worth it.

Are you still laughing? Do you ever smile?

I haven’t seen you in quite awhile

Are you still driving your fairy boat to hell

Or were the fires put out? Is it just as well

To go on living like nothing’s wrong,

To go on smiling all the day long?

Sometimes there ain’t no joy left at all

But you won’t ever believe what I just saw

There’s a light up ahead and I’m basking in it

Won’t you follow me to bed?

This exhaustion’s cutting deep, and I just can’t ignore it.

There’s a light up ahead

There’s a light up ahead

There’s a light up ahead

Won’t you follow me to it?”

Trying Something New This Month

Gonna try something new this month. Hopefully it will be successful and will become an ongoing thing.

One of the things I gained from my business degree was an appreciation of an emerging trend called “conscious capitalism” which seeks to integrate doing good deeds and community involvement into the daily practice of a business. I decided that if I were to run a business, I would want to incorporate some of the ethics behind conscious capitalism into my work.

I just realized that I already have a potential business under my watch, which is the music I’ve been making and attempting to market for sometime. Over on my Bandcamp page, there are five full length albums, one EP, and one single available for download. You can also download my cover of Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” through iTunes. In an attempt to raise money to go toward my goal of releasing a vinyl version of my next project and to have something positive come out of my music which has usually come from a rather dark place in my heart, I have decided to donate twenty percent of all sales to charity, with the various causes rotating every month or so.

This month’s charity is going to be St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. For those unfamiliar, they are an excellent organization that has been providing excellent care for children with cancer for decades and they have a pristine reputation.

All albums on my Bandcamp site are available on a pay what you want basis, but remember, if you download and pay, I’ll be giving twenty percent of that to St. Jude’s and the rest will be going to cover my costs and help fund a vinyl project, which has been a long time dream of mine.

So, let’s give this a shot and see where it goes. Come download some music and help support a good cause.

http://rancegarrison.bandcamp.com/

Album Review– Keaton Lawson: Pink Sounds

I should preface this review by saying that I have known Keaton Lawson for over fifteen years.  I should also mention that I am practically related to the man as he is engaged to my cousin, has lived in my house on several occasions, and was the dude who handed me the ring I slipped on my wife’s finger at our wedding.  Did I mention we’ve also made a lot of music together?  Oh yeah, there’s that, too. Needless to say I’ve watched Keaton’s artistic and musical evolution for almost the entire time I’ve known him since it was a mutual love of music and art, especially ‘weird’ music and art that brought us together in the first place.

 

 

cover

 

When Keaton told me that his new album only had fourteen songs, I was a little bit taken aback.  This is the same dude who once made two albums with forty songs each, the aptly titled “Music #1″ and “Music #2.”  The same guy who sat up late in my tiny first apartment creating the abstract work of audio art that was “Carpet Hazard.”  This is also the same guy who is beyond a shadow of a doubt one of the best songwriters I’ve ever met but who continues to record abstract audio art by his own admission instead of a collection of “real” songs.  Songs like this, which when combined with the voice of my cousin Kristina Garrison are as hauntingly beautiful in their own way as anything you are likely to hear:

So, I was excited by the idea that Keaton had maybe just set down with an acoustic guitar and recorded fourteen songs.  Of course, as excited as the idea of such an album by my good friend makes me, that isn’t what this is.  Nope, not at all.  This is, in fact, more abstract Appalachian audio folk art from the master of abstract Appalachian audio folk art.  And it’s absolutely wonderful.

Here, Keaton has tightened up his approach and created a thirty minute expedition into the workings of his mind, and though the trip is short, it’s the most interesting thing he has done to date.  Created entirely on an iPhone, the album incorporates loops, samples, acoustic guitar, and spoken word pieces to create a bizarre and wonderful piece of art.  It’s hard to classify this as “good” music, because it isn’t necessarily aiming at being “music” at all in the popular sense.  And although Keaton Lawson is more than capable of creating an album of catchy, folksy pop songs,  he has instead created an album that is a masterpiece in its own right.  Right out of the gate, “Buddha Dance” throws the listener into what is going to be a weird and wild ride.  “Hide My Soul Away” incorporates synth noise and distorted acoustic guitar in a deconstruction of what could be a beautiful song if that were the goal.  “Jeopardy” opens with two lines of lyrics, followed by two minutes of sampled TBN hellfire preaching.  “The Rain Burns” is reminiscent of early Ween.

The best track of the bunch, and undoubtedly the best thing I have ever heard by Keaton Lawson in this vein of his work, is the nearly seven minute “Chester” near the end of the album.  This haunting spoken word piece has its titular character exploring the sort of philosophical issues that Keaton and myself usually talk about when we meet up.  It’s a horror story told through folk poetry that echoes the work of Southern writers such as Flannery O’Connor and Harry Crews.

This track alone makes the entire album worth downloading.  It’s a work of southern Appalachian beat poetry that’s full of humor and dread.   And while I’m still waiting to hear that collection of “serious” songs rather than an experimental album by Keaton Lawson, this album is a great gateway into his work and is sure to be completely unlike anything you have ever heard or experienced.

Birth and Death

I can conceive of no imaginable purpose for the meaning of man’s seemingly brief existence apart from community.

My, my, my, what mighty big words you have, Rance Garrison.  But I really can’t.  It is for this reason that I have trouble with traditional notions of both religion and irreligion or secularism.  So much of our modern religion, or stance against it, in the United States today comes from a long tradition of individualism.  I am not a believer in individualism to a great extent.  It is through a community, a Communion, to use “Christian” language, I suppose, that man achieves his greatest heights.  Without the community lifting him, challenging him, even at times, fighting against him, man is nothing.  It has been said that no man is an island.  Forget the island, no man is apart from the web of life.  And those who seek to go it completely alone for long never it make it very far.

These thoughts poured into my mind earlier tonight while I reached an almost transcendental state while making love to my (soon to be) wife.  It is ironic that we live in a society that teaches a man to fear the two things that are most readily at his disposal to achieve the ever elusive immortality he so desperately seeks, birth and death.  As younger men, many of us, or at least in my own case, view the approach of fatherhood with an almost dreadful apprehension.  On the one hand, we long for the opportunity to pass on our knowledge, our philosophies, however half baked, and, at a more subconscious animal. level, our genes, onto our offspring.  On the other hand, though, we long to live in a state of perpetual boyhood like billions of grown-up Peter Pans, desiring a life of adventure, swashbuckling, skirt chasing ahead of us on into eternity.  What we fail to realize is that time stands still for no one, and if we pursue that life of constant adventure, danger, non-commitment, and individualistic “freedom” we will find ourselves not as Peter Pans, but more likely, as the sad old man protagonist of the 1977 Pink Floyd song, “Dogs,” in that we will be “just another sad old man, all alone and dying of cancer.”  How strange it is that the number one regret of dying men is that they wished that they hadn’t worked so hard and that they had spent more time with their wives and families.  For as we men age, our work becomes our play, and the pursuit of money, fame, the respect of our fellow men and more importantly, the sexual adoration of many women, the ultimate set of prizes in the cracker jack box. To many men, the thought of being domesticated into the family life might as well be the same thing as being neutered.

As for death, here I must divert from earthly matters and expand a bit upon my (quite often misunderstood) religious views.  See, I call myself a Christian because it is the religious path that I am most comfortable and familiar with and because I feel especially close to the person of Jesus of Nazareth.  When I pray, it is Jesus that I imagine on the other end of the line if you will.  At the same time, I understand that this very personal theistic conception of God is a symbol, not God-in-entirety.  This conception of God which lives in my mind is no closer to being the true “God beyond God” than a single cell in my pinky fingernail is to being me.  But the only way that I can even begin to be in relationship with that which is Infinite is by constructing within my finite mind a finite symbol which can serve as a doorway into the Infinite God.  And while I personally have my reasons for believing that there is some historical basis for the Christ as viewed in much of traditional Christianity, even if it was proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that Jesus of Nazareth never existed, that wouldn’t shatter my faith because I understand that the Infinite God could never be completely bound in anyone symbol or person or book.

And so, believing therefore, as I do, in a God that is Infinite beyond my own comprehension, I also dare to believe that this same Infinite God is Infinitely Loving beyond all comprehension, and that this existence, created as it was through Love, will not perish.  That God truly will call all things unto Godself in due time.   I unapologetically say that in my heart of hearts, I feel that all sentient beings are in the process of growing into a complete union with God.  To be said again, I believe that each of us, as individuals and also as a fully integrated cosmic body of stars, planets, people, cats, spiders, sponges, jellyfish, pine trees, microbes, and atoms, are part of a process that is the universe not only becoming aware of itself but aware of its Source and transcending mere consciousness into a form of superconsciousness, that from our perspective, would indeed be God-like, if not God.  And on the day that this state of perfect love and perfect infinity is reached, the union of God and cosmos will make all things as One.

And so, with the vast and hopeful expanse of eternity ahead of, we understand that death is nothing to fear.  Yes, we may lose a part of our individuality in dying, a statement to which I imagine neither theist nor atheist would disagree, but we gain a greater stake in our community.  Our bodies become food for other creatures and feed the earth with needed nutrients.  And those thoughts, feelings, and experiences that we’ve shared with others live on in their minds and in whatever we’ve managed to leave behind.  If we have children, what we have taught them as well as our biology lives on in them.  As for us, I believe that we begin a process of further spiritual growth in which we grow, like weeds, toward the source of ultimate goal of our lives:  godhood.  But this is a communal thing, because we are all heading there, each and everyone of us, each and every soul, each and every atom, and as long as one single soul is left behind, the journey is not complete.  We will reach the promised land, but when we do, it will be together, growing out of the Ground of all Being, toward an Omega Point. The Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.

But if ultimately all are not redeemed and brought home, is there true grace? And that is why I feel in my gut that all will be.

For as long as one individual is allowed to fall, then we have not achieved what I view as the ultimate purpose of man, to live in and through his communion with his fellow sentient beings.

I love my wife.  And no, we’re not having a baby right now.  :-)

 

We Ain’t Dead Yet, Dammit.

Last night, I went to a drag show in Whitesburg, Kentucky at the Summit City Lounge.  There, I encountered a culture as vibrant and thriving as anything I encountered when I was living in Nashville, Tennessee, perhaps even more so, as there was not an ounce of the big city pretense and putting on of airs that you are likely to find among the suburbanites and Vanderbilt college crowd.  Not that I have anything against Nashville.  It’s a beautiful city, and if I was ever going to live in a big city again, Nashville would be my number one choice.

But there is a rawness here in the rural communities of the mountains that is unlike anything you will encounter in even the most “country” of cities.  People are completely themselves, and bare their souls at every moment, warts and all.  This is especially evident among the millennial generation here.  And while you might not expect a bar in small town eastern Kentucky to be the sort of place to host a celebration of LGBT culture, for anyone in Whitesburg, Kentucky last night, it would have been hard to miss the cars lined around the block and the sound of thumping bass coming from inside the Summit City.  Harder still to miss would have been the collection of mostly twenty-somethings inside, dancing the night away as Lilly Conn, Lucy Deville, and Shelita Buffett riled the crowd and entertained with their flamboyant charisma.  (My favorite moment was when, midway through the 11 PM show, Lucy did a dive-bomb off the Summit City stage, nearly knocking my beer out of my hand.  All in good fun.)

Here you would also find the mayor of Vicco, the smallest town in the United States to pass an anti-LGBT discrimination ordinance as well as local punk rock legend Globsters; girls in pseudo-hippie fashions, local artists and musicians coming out to enjoy the fun, even a few middle aged and senior citizens getting down with their bad selves, to borrow a worn out phrase, among the crowd.  This sort of life and vitality, this sort of celebration of a segment of the population that has usually been denied rights and privileges that us straight people take for granted, does not seem to me at all to be the signs of a community, of a region, on its deathbed.

And we’ve got to quit talking about the Appalachian Region as if that is the case.

Whether we’re talking about Whitesburg or Norton or Pennington Gap or any other small Appalachian community, there is a tendency to speak of these towns as if their best days are definitely behind them.  They are in their death throes, and new life is simply not something that is going to come.  And while it is true that these communities face their struggles and uphill battles, (you can read more about my take on that in my blog from two weeks ago here: http://rancegarrison.wordpress.com/2014/05/16/appalachia-the-great-white-ghetto-why-i-am-staying/)  if we want to improve the Appalachian region and take it from being the “Great White Ghetto” as some from New York or wherever would have the rest of the nation believe we are to being a truly thriving and vibrant place again, then we need to start speaking of the region not as a dead or dying place, but as a place that is in a period of transition, both economically and culturally.  Transitions are often difficult periods, and change is almost never easy.  But make no mistake:  change is not the same thing as death.  We’ve got to stop clinging to a celebration of days gone by, and start looking ahead to days and opportunities yet to come.  And perhaps most importantly, we’ve got to empower the region’s youth with opportunities and influence rather than raising them up with the sole purpose of leaving in mind because if this region is to have a future, it lies with the youth.

And if my experience among the bright, talented, and vibrant folks at last night’s show in Whitesburg are any indication, this region’s future is a lot brighter than its detractors and nay-sayers would have you believe.

On Aging

Somedays, I feel old.  And not just old, but ancient, as if I’ve been around forever and I don’t have much time left to accomplish, well, whatever it is that I’ve been put here in this world to do.  There is a feeling of time slipping through the glass, of sand falling.  There is a feeling of reluctance and dare I say anxiety regarding the future.  And then I realize how silly I am being.  

I am twenty-seven.  I just graduated college one week ago (I got a bit of a late and bumpy start on the front in, but finished strong), and I’m about to get married.  My life is just beginning.  

And if people in their forties can start new careers and move to new cities and take up new hobbies and learn new things; if people in their fifties can find new loves and build new friendships and have experiences that they have never had before:  

Then there is still plenty of time for me.  

Don’t rush.  We all rush too damn much as it is. 

The Messiah, Ironically

Recently, I recommended the book Christ:  A Crisis in the Life of God by Jack Miles to a friend.  The truth is, I had never read it, but had read the first book in this two part series, God:  A Biography by the same author.   I knew that Christ would at the very least equal Miles’ first book in quality.  Having given the friend the recommendation (this friend was interested in modern biblical scholarship) I decided to give Christ a read for myself.  For those unfamiliar with Miles’ work, Miles studies the Bible quite differently from many theologians who come at it from a pastoral perspective or from biblical scholars who approach the Biblical text historically.  Miles is far more interested in analyzing the Bible as we would any other work or art or literature, from the creative perspective.  The conclusions he comes to in taking on an artistic and literary analysis of the biblical texts would be quite startling to many orthodox believers.  Since I have never claimed to be an orthodox person of faith, I’m not particularly bothered by them.

So far, I’m only about half way through the first chapter, but I am very impressed.  In chapter one, titled “The Messiah, Ironically” Miles explores the many ironies of the New Testament’s account of the life of Jesus Christ.  The chapter headings alone are worth reading and include:  

“He talks, but to himself, of God as illness and remedy.”
“He speaks of a new creation, but privately.”
“He admits, but to a heretic, that he is the Messiah.” 

Of course, each of these headings is followed by an in depth explanation of what is meant, but that isn’t my purpose in writing this tonight.  As some of you reading may recall, my last blog was focused on the issue of Appalachian poverty and why I have decided, at least for the time being, to attempt to stay in the region and make a life for myself and my wife here.  Poverty and economic and social justice are two issues which are frequently on my mind in part due to some of my own financial strain for the time being and also due to the hardships I have seen poverty and lack of resources cause many of those around me.  

Furthermore, we can look globally and see a world where powerful interests seek to bend the human spirit to the profit motive of the invisible hand.  Those who find themselves unable to adapt to these powerful interests are often chewed, swallowed, and vomited out of the belly of a great beast we have deemed “the market,” acting as if this Market is a type of God, an ultimate and transcendent being, that is benevolent, omniscient, and utterly beyond our control.  This Market has become modernity’s Golden Calf, and like all idols, it must one day yield to that which is truly Ultimate.

We see a world where children are born and die in such abject poverty that it baffles the imagination that this can be allowed to go on, and yet at the same time, there is a “captain of industry” who owns a private yacht and five luxury vacation homes.  Some will accuse me of making an emotional argument for wealth redistribution of some kind.  I can only reply, if there is one issue in the world that is worth getting emotional about, isn’t it the suffering of our fellow human beings?

Truth is, I don’t have a solution, I can only look at the world in its current state and conclude that there is something wrong, very, gravely wrong, with a global society that allows this to happen.  We should be rioting in the streets until every child is fed and well nourished, until every homeless person has a home, dare I say it, until every human being has access to health care that doesn’t put them at risk of bankruptcy.  But we don’t, including myself, because we are cowards, and at the core of our being, we feel that maybe, perhaps one day, if we work hard enough we will be the man on the yacht.  The man with the five homes.  The man who has it all.  Because we are hypocrites.  And in the words of Saint Paul the Apostle, “I am chief among sinners.”  So, instead, I sigh, and moan, and write my blog, and post to my twitter feed, and wonder if I am not just perpetuating a system that I claim to despise.  It is so hard for us to trust our own motivations, is it not?  

Perhaps an older, more experienced, more jaded, version of myself will look back on this in ten years and laugh at how foolish and idealistic his younger self was.  Perhaps not.  Only time will tell.  

You might be wondering what in the hell these past few paragraphs have to do at all with a work of religious scholarship by Jack Miles.  “The Messiah, Ironically.”  The Irony of God.  The Weakness of God.  Pretend, even if you don’t believe in God at all, that the traditional Christian belief that God was Incarnate as a poor carpenter from Nazareth in one of the poorest regions of the world in one of western civilization’s most chaotic time periods is true.  

I had an atheist friend who once challenged me and asked why would God reveal himself in such a backward part of the world when he could have revealed himself amongst the more learned Greeks or the more powerful Romans.  Why would God reveal himself to a people who by most accounts had suffered defeat after defeat and who were, according to some secularists, much more backward than the people who surrounded them?  Why would God operate in this way?  

But I cannot fathom God, assuming that God exists, working in any other way.  A God who was truly loving would reveal himself in the poorest of places and give hope to the most downtrodden of his creations.  A God who would reveal himself only to those who were in power, whose ways were the ways that were so responsible for the crushing of the human spirit, would not be God at all, but Satan himself.  And as religion, the political establishment, and the large multinational corporations have grown more and more intwined, it makes you wonder just who they’re serving.

How’s that for irony?